1. reconsider and alter (something) in the light of further evidence.
I gotta be honest. The original word of the day was unsettled. And it was sad, dismal, and depressing.
Here is a little sample from my first version:
As awful as it sounds, I’m still mildly unsettled. It is taking every last ounce of energy I have to convince myself that it will be okay if I end up walking this marathon. A few attempts yesterday at picking up a jog seemed futile. And I’m far from sure of anything.
But, when I sat down to wrap it up, and shared with my sister that it was a depressing blog post, she suggested maybe I revise it. And I agreed.
Earlier I spoke with my husband.
“You sound off. What’s the matter?” he asked
“My test run didn’t go so well,” I said.
“Why? What happened?” he asked again.
“My leg hurts,” I answered.
“So what?” he said. “So your leg hurts. It is what it is. Just go and do what you can. You can’t do anymore than that at this point. Enjoy the experience.”
It is time to revise. No, it is not going to be the race I want to run. I’ll have to alter my plan. I’ll have to reconsider a course of action in light of my experience today. The good thing is I won’t have to worry so much about fueling or hydration because I’ll now just be taking my time. It is going to be an event, an experience, a moment to treasure.
Being in the midst of it all will be enough to power me though. And I’m hoping that arriving in Boston, picking up my race bib, and enjoying the sights and sounds of the expo will elevate my hopes to a level where I can be comfortable with this entire experience.
Turn that frown upside down. No more negativity. Nothing can be done now. Nothing will change. Revise, reconsider, and re-evaluate. Time to blow it all off. Time to…
It’s Boston, for God’s sake.
1. favored by or involving good luck or fortune; lucky.
For everything I am and everything I own; my possessions, my family, my children, my health, my past, my present, and my future…I am fortunate.
I have always possessed the wherewithal to get out there and go after my dreams, as far fetched as they may have seemed. I always had a thirst for knowledge, so I excelled in high school. I went forth and got my college degree in a field that I more than loved, but didn’t have many employment options. However, I was fortunate enough to always be at the right place at just the right times in my life to meet just the right people who could help me excel in my career.
That same mantra led me to my husband as well. And without him, I wouldn’t have my beautiful step-children or twin daughters. And I wouldn’t live in this wonderful home or have had the wonderful opportunity to be able to raise them as a stay at home mom.
But there is always a price to be paid for fortune. I missed a great deal of my family while I was off making a living. There just wasn’t enough vacation time for the lowest weather anchor on the totem pole so seeing my sisters, parents, nieces and nephews just didn’t happen. I missed all the weddings, pregnancies, births, baptisms, gratuitous babysitting, and holidays. I missed the Friday night pizza parties and birthday parties. I missed all the Sunday afternoon Carvel Ice Cream stops and the after church bagel brunches.
I married a man from a midwestern state, so just as I had made my way back to the northeast as a meteorologist in New Haven, Ct, I was quickly whisked far away again. So there were no wedding showers or baby showers or anything like that for me. As happy and fortunate as I was, there was always that “pay the piper” mentality.
I guess what I’m trying to say is as fortunate as I have been, it hasn’t always been the story of having my cake and eating it, too.
And as fortunate as I am to have found running…the single most heavenly thing one can do on this earth..I have faced adversity along the way. I could look at it as being complete bad luck, or a tough break, or just bad karma, or I could look at it as some kind of message. After all, if I wasn’t meant to run Boston, I never would have qualified in the first place. Someone is just telling me to settle down, and to find the good in every bad. Give it a break, Theresa. For goodness sake, you are so fortunate.
The one thing that has given me so much strength and courage through this entire ordeal has been my circle of Facebook runners and blog followers. What an outstanding community! You all have stood by me, supported me, prayed for me, and wished me nothing but good fortune. I am blessed to have you all in my life. I’m so glad I decided to reach out to other runners with my blog because it not only helps me to keep track of my fears, emotions, and realities, but it has opened the door for me to meet you. And this journey would not be what it has become without all of you. I’m grateful. I’m appreciative. I’m lucky.
With every bad, comes some good.
I’m fortunate. And I find the good in every bad.
Unfortunately, my husband doesn’t like facebook. And has told me so over a million times…a day.
Fortunately, though, he doesn’t like facebook.
Ah! Get it?
Three more days. I think I’ll go throw up now.
1. very enthusiastic and eager.
Oh happy day! I anticipate this will be the second best day of my journey because today, I get on a plane. And not only do I get to see my two bestest girls (those being my older sisters) but I will also have the opportunity to see my mom and dad as they will be arriving into New York the same day as I. My mom will be coming to Boston with the girls, but my dad will stay behind to visit his own sisters nearby.
So, not only am I excited to see my family, but by the same token, I’m excited to get out of dodge. That doesn’t mean I don’t love my husband, my children, and Minnesota. It just means it’s time to get the hell out. You know, sometimes you just have to get away.
I have hid this from no one. It is time for a momma vacation. And I’m looking so forward to this!
In fact, when I told my PT’s assistant about it today, I literally started tearing up with excitement! It was that overwhelming. She thought it was so funny, but I know she knew exactly where I was coming from.
My sisters have been such a great support to me since I began running. In fact, they came to Minnesota to watch me run my first half marathon! That was such a treat. And I’m so appreciative. The following year they came to visit me for my 47th birthday and we ran a local 5K together! It was my sister Kathie’s first run! My oldest sister, Celia, was already running since the year before. It seems somehow I convinced her to give it a try. And dog gone it, she liked it!
And my mom is no stranger to the 5k either, as last Thanksgiving, we all participated in the Oyster Bay Turkey trot together!
Needless to say, after the long, cold, Minnesota winter, it will be nice to get out of the state and back home. Home being New York, where I was born and raised. The trip to Boston will be a bonus!
Deep down inside, despite being irritated on Tuesday and frantic on Wednesday, I know everything will be just fine. My family back home in Minnesota will survive without me. Sure, I’ll get a few phone calls and text messages along the way, but for me, it is a well deserved trip. Flying into New York does something to my heart every visit. It’s home, dang it. It’s home. I can’t think of a better transition on the way to Boston than going home before and after the race and enjoying the me time. It’s what I need. And I know it will just make the journey that much more special.
So, by now, I may be on that airplane. And I’ll be working on my word for tomorrow. We are down to just 4 days…and it gets a little harder to breathe with each passing hour.
So, I guess it is time to start breathing a little bit deeper…and taking it all in.
1. wild or distraught with fear, anxiety, or other emotion.
What is it about leaving on a jet plane that makes me frantic? Until I am on that plane and securely fastened in my seat belt can I take a deep breath and relax. I suppose because by that time it is too late to do anything anyway.
It’s funny, because its not like I’m going to the moon. I mean, there are grocery stores, and drug stores, and Targets in New York, too. If I forget anything, I can just buy another. But still, travel makes me frantic. In fact, anytime I’m more than 10 minutes away from my stuff, I get frantic.
I have one medium sized suitcase, and one carry on. I have packed and repacked at least a hundred times since Monday. I have a warm weather running outfit, and a cold one. I have a rain poncho, and a rip away tyvek rain suit. I have all my vitamins, wonder drugs, EnergyBits, and even packed my own Vito Coco Coco Cafe coconut espresso water…just in case. I have two pairs of sneakers, my running passport, my Neon Is My Color bib with my name on it, two pairs of compression socks, my hydration belt…hold it…did I pack my hydration belt? I still have to be sure I can fit what I want fit in the pocket of it! Damn!!
I don’t know what the hell I’m so worried about. It is just a run. A 26.2 mile run. In a city far from home. In BOSTON, for God’s sake.
What me, worry? I have no reason to be frantic. My mom and dad will be in New York when I get there. And my sisters, who will be accompanying me to Boston. If anything, it will be a great time in a great city that I have not visited since I had a job interview there in the late 1980′s. 1980′s? Damn, I’m old.
All I have to do tomorrow is damn near everything. Then get my husband to take me to the airport. Then board the plane. Then I can leave.
And then the panic can REALLY set in!
BRING IT ON!